IkoStar

Here’s a picture of a girl from the internet that I fell in love with once.

I have no idea who she is… and for all I know she probably has a really irritating squeaky voice and seriously, teeth-grindingly bad taste in music etc (you know the sort of thing), and does nothing except sit on the sofa and eat jaffa-cakes and watch TV all day - but that’s ok. She’s the woman I love, and I want to protect her.

I know this photo is like, 4 years old - and that’s a long time in chick years, so she’s probably turned into a moth or something by now, but true love can rise above such earthly concerns. These things are eternal.

Anyway. I think her name’s Angie. She’s from California, which is pretty much on another planet… but when I look up at the stars at night, I know… that even though she does come from another planet or some odd dimension where everyone kindof looks like a cartoon, she sometimes looks up… and upon us both, the same stars shine down.

If she wants to get in touch, I am the most excellent bloke - everything about me is more or less greatish, and I my family (who have disowned me) have vast estates in Scotland and still own this

and this

which are in England and are owned by a family known locally as The Howards… who will claim never to have heard of me, and who won’t allow me through the door. There’s something wrong with them.

Anyway, If you’re out there Angie, I love you, and everything I have is yours… if you send me some (quite a lot of) stamps I’ll post it all to you. You can sell it on ebay.