IkoStar

Mind you, there was a period (ahem, late 90s) where I used to live in total terror of showing up in one of those programs with names like “When Drunks go Mad”, so I guess I shouldn’t grumble. I’ve moved on from all that now though and involve myself with far more gentile pursuits such as embroidery or decorating ashtrays, vases etc by sticking loads of seashells to them.

I did my neighbour’s car once shortly before he was sectioned. Nice bloke but his sanity was ever but a slender reed, as they say.

These are the messages that I recieved from my “friends” today :

If you read between the lines you can determine quite a lot about my character - or more accurately, my lack of character - as percieved by the people that know me. Or those who don’t.

You can tell the sort of person they’d like me to be. Someone with a massive cock wearing lots of watches. If anyone reading this knows any of these people, please tell them that I’ve already got a massive cock. I already wear a lot of watches.

I find it hard to say no to people though, so more often than not, I wind up buying every single thing that spammers offer me… and often it’s not easy to figure out what they’re talking about. I mean one of them said this : Thereof, and feed it came up for the be despised Moses, went to those in the four thousand and the word of God Is exceeding in for they may be of the oxen, Or an ephah and the power in that (Saul, came unto thee receive not go out into mind could not good or have

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Is it a puzzle? Is it a cutting insult that’s obviously over my head? I don’t understand it.

It looks biblical. Is God trying to say something to me? Oh Christ no, not again. The last time was an embarrassing fuck-up… But what if it is? I can’t risk ignoring it… what does he want me to do?

Buy more Viagra? I am! I am!… I’m already a walking hard on with a cock the size of the eiffel tower… there’s only so much Viagra you can take. It’s making it difficult to go out in public etc. It’s… complicating things.

My life was better before email actually.

http://www.mattstuart.com

I’ve seen a lot of gigs.

A LOT of gigs. I used to work for a PA company carrying gear about, I used to drive the van for various bands etc - and when we weren’t touring we’d go down The Falcon or The Underworld and get drunk every single night. As a result, I saw two three bands every single night for about 10 years.

The best gig ever was Neil Young with Booker T and the MGs as his backing band in Finsbury Park in the 90s. The manager of my band at the time was a guy called Marcus Russell (who also manages Oasis and an assortment of Mancunian glitterati) - and he said it was the best gig he’d seen since The Doors in 1970. It was at the height of the Grunge Period - and Neil Young was at the crest of the wave. It was fucking stunning.

Anway… seeing thousands and thousands of gigs… they get a little samey, and in the end you’re really only there to drink. For something to stand out, it really needs to stand out - and for me personally, the only thing I really cared about in the end was charisma.

And this guy’s got it:

Ok, so there was this one time that I needed to get some new shirts etc… so I go down to where they sell the shirts and I go into a shirt-shop…

… and there were all these shirts, all hanging there, waiting. Waiting for someone nice to come and buy them. Someone that they would be proud to be worn by… and I felt so sorrry for them. I know they’re kindof vain and superficical, but shirts are people too - they have feelings, and I was suddenly hit by this crushing sense of…I felt so sorry for the one that was going to be faced with being bought by a pathetic, spineless loser like me. I could feel them all cringe as I walked through the door… I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t do it. I went home empty-handed, and gently drank myself to sleep.

http://www.pizdaus.com - this month’s greatest photography site of the week, ever.

They have new amazing photos every day etc. K for cool.

From here, by this Russian bloke (I think) who’s clearly a genius. A creator of worlds, a maker of micro planets.

Anyway, this is what my ideal planet looks like. A manageable size. No idiots. No other people at all in fact. Well… maybe one other one (or someone who lived on their own planet (Angie probably) nearby. She could have her own planet, and could come over to mine if she was bored etc. That’s ok - I’m a bit busy at the moment, but I’ve got loads of books and an xbox or whatever).

I want cats as well (to keep the mice down etc). I’d also want some sort of spaceship as well so I could go and visit neighbouring planets… like this one :

Where I have been, in Actual Reality. It’s Bergen, and the beer is the most expensive in the world… but being reasonable, man must get drunk… especially if Susan is giving you loads of grief because your jacket keeps rustling.

There was nothing I could do about that. If you’ve got a rustly jacket, you’ve got a rustly jacket.