IkoStar

Top 10 reasons why Angie is more excellent than Jessica Rabbit.

1. Jessica Rabbit is a cartoon.
   Big problem.

    

2. which means Angie is more dimensional (at least two extra dimensions)… and I’ll take all the dimensions I can get, although from where I’m sitting now, that’s still only two. Which is the same as Jessica Rabbit - so that’s not such a good reason really

    

3. Jessica Rabbit is like… a rabbit.

   Which is great if you fancy rabbits. What’s not so great is fancying rabbits in the first place… unless you’re a rabbit yourself of course. But you’re not are you? No. You’re a pervert.

    

4. Jessica Rabbit isn’t even a proper rabbit

   When was the last time you saw a rabbit with lipstick, tits and wearing a dress? In your dreams buddy. In your dreams.

   (edit: Actually, now I look closer, Jessica Rabbit doesn’t actually have any rabbit features at all. Is Rabbit her surname?). There’s something not quite right here.

    

5. Angie has a smile like fireflies on mdma.

   Like a cherry ferrari with neon-glitter upolstery. Like an explosion in a day-glo super-ball factory. Like a tangerine-flavoured sherbet-bomb going off in your trousers (ok that’s enough - ed)

    

6. She probably has loads of other equally bankable facial expressions as well. Jessica rabbit appears to only have the one. Sultry. Sultry can wear you down after a while.

    

7. In addition to 5, she’s got a million dollar smile… which index-adjusted is probably closer to $983712983… in fact I wrote a little index-tracker to inflation-adjust just how much that million-dollar smile is actually worth :

    

8. Number 5 again

    

9. Jessica Rabbit appears to have some sort of attitude problem.

   She’d either be constantly giving you back-chat, or the silent-treatment. With Angie, you’d probably get a mixture of the two, which I imagine would be a bit less taxing… although to be fair, all the other girls I’ve met from California absolutely cannot stop talking, ever.

   That’s ok though. She can drive my car if she wants.

    

10. Ok, that’s only 9. Whatever

11. I actually used to know someone called Jessica once - who wasn’t a million miles away from Jessica Rabbit in certain respects, as I’m sure she’d agree.

    She used to go out with Rhyss Ifans who was in that Notting Hill with Hugh Grant, and Wassername… Julia Roberts, who also looks a bit like Jessica Rabbit. Coincidence? You decide.