IkoStar

I had to come back from the caf early today because my gazillion dollar Sony noise-cancellation headphones have stopped working.

I don’t use them to listen to music… most of the time I play Chatterblocker… an application that plays background noise specifically designed to block out other people talking.

Welcome (again) to the age of information overload. We need earlids… or more specifically, we need some way of drowning out other people’s phone calls, other people talking talking talking, other people eating, other people breathing, other people’s silence… and most of all, other people’s children.

Because let’s face it possums, let’s finally say that which Must Not Be Said… other people’s children are complete and utter cunts.

It’s not surprising people have stopped having them… I mean when you see what other people have lumbered themselves with, why in the name of all that is holy would anyone want that? This is why the dinosaurs died out… it wasn’t because of a flood or an asteroid or whatever - it was more of a lifestyle choice, and sitting in the caf today, I find it hard to believe that little pterodactyl children could be any more irritating than the ones at the table next to me, so I suspect we’ll be heading the same way.

Mind you, Susan’s kid is ok (in fact Susan’s kid is excellent. She hates me (not dissimilar to Susan herself in some ways)). The rest are a fucking pain in the arse.

So headphones have become an utter necessity - they’re the only things standing between humanity and extinction, and mine are broken.

Still, whatever. Here’s a picture of Susan. She’s my first girlfriend and my best friend… and if there’s anything Susan hates, it’s having her photo taken and put on the internet, so now she’ll hate me even more.