How to get back with your ex after she’s taken out a restraining order against you.
Having trouble convincing her of your sincerity?
Wanting to ask her “that” question but having trouble keeping a straight face?
Has she taken a restraining order out against you?
Fuck flowers - they’re for conniving ponces, and if she actually ate all the chocolates you’d need to give her, she’d never get through the door - forget about that, get one of these:
Only a fucking blood-writing pen innit! Genius!
If that fails you could write another one with semen in the hope that some of them might escape and get her pregnant… if that’s what you want to do (though I’m not sure that I’d advise it at this point in your relationship).
A better bet (and you’ll thank me for this one) would be to send about 80,000 blank pieces of paper and tell her (via text or whatever) that you’ve poured your heart out and written her a letter with your own tears - so it might be a bit hard to read. She’ll read between the lines though, and she’ll know you’re serious.
Personally, I use my one mainly for writing piss-letters to the banks etc. I wonder if you can get piss printer cartridges? That could come in handy. A quill is quite… well, it’s not efficient really. If you had a precious-bodily-fluid printer cartridge then you could do a mail-merge and send out a load of them at once.
[...] I used to be someone else of course… we all did, but for me the transition has been reasonably recent… and in a previous incarnation I went on about this: [...]
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