IkoStar

This is a picture of a balloon hiding behind a big plant thing - it’s hiding from the other balloons (who are like, gay balloons) and so on, but they’re too knackered after the weekend to pay it much attention in any case, so it really has nothing to worry about, even if they were going to hassle it, which they so weren’t anyway.

I know that probably sounds a bit repressed and homophobic and whatnot, but it’s not as repressed and homophobic as the balloon hiding behind the plant thing.

Most balloons are gay, and there’s nothing strange or unusual about it. I mean yea, they are made like totally out of rubber (which is a totally different thing)… but you know… have you ever met a straight balloon? Apart from those long thin ones in the shape of bafflingly uncooperative (but cheap) condoms? Well those ones are in denial, and so are you. You’re in denial. Don’t try and deny it. Everyone knows.

There’s nothing to worry about though - even if (like me) you live in Kemptown in Brighton which is like the gayest part of the gayest town in the whole of Europe, and last weekend was gay-pride weekend. You’re seriously flattering yourself if you think you’re going to be hassled by balloons. WTF? They’re balloons!!!, and look at the state of you. You’re even more of a mess than they are, and they’ve been partying all weekend… and they REALLY know how to party, believe you me, especially the helium ones.

Anyway, across the road from the pub is a plant shop called Planted, which was started by Robert Plant after he left Led Zeppelin.

That’s not him in the photo btw, that’s someone else. Doesn’t even look like him, and I should know because I’ve met him. Not that one, the other one. The real one.