IkoStar

A bit further down one of the streets where I live is a girl who sells postcards to tourists and sometimes her hair is white and sometimes it’s black.

People (ie: bloke people) come sidling up to her all day and ask for directions, even though they don’t need directions because they know where they are. “ees theese way, down there” she say, patiently. They then ask if they can take her photo, or get someone else to take her photo with them in it as well, with the excuse that she’s wearing traditional Snow White clothes but we all know the real reason: she’s absolutely fucking beautiful… and although the internet is filled with photos of beautiful girls, bagging one of the blighters yourself is a like getting a trophy of some sort, so that’s what they do. It’s a bit like wildlife photography that you could shag… in your dreams buddy, in your dreams… so they content themselves with craftily sidling up to her on false pretences and leaving with a photo, that they examine later, at their leisure. They’ve probably got hundreds of them, but most of them are of their buddies being drunk and tedious a bit like the camper van ones off Borat.

“Yes no problem” she smile tiredly. “You want postcard? Ees for mother. You write her home”

I was never sure why her hair kept changing colour like that. Maybe it was a wig that came with the Snow White costume. Did it mention hair in that story? Lips as red like cherries, eyes bluer than sky (on nice day), skin as white like snow with sun-tan. Shoes as yellow as wearable foot-bananas. I don’t think it ever mentioned hair. Hair as black like soot, or as white like whatever it was before it go soot on. It could go either way… and didn’t really affect the story that much if memory serves… not as much as the white skin anyway which is what she’s named after - which is a bit of a bungle if she’s got a tan… and she does happen to have a tan.

This is a photo of a similar one, but not the actual one, in her black-haired version state… but with similar issues with regards people who know where they’re going constantly asking for directions. etc.

So anyway, I went through this minor phase of hiding behind bushes etc and taking photos of the people taking photos, but went off the whole idea almost immediately when the black-haired version suddenly appeared on white-haired-version day… in the same place as white-haired version who was already there!!!

She went over and started talking to her and suddenly there’s two of them! and they know each other!. I ducked down behind the bushes, panicking. I’d been duped. Utterly and completely duped. I’d been played for a giddy kipper, or herring or whatever.

Why? Why would she do that to me? I don’t understand it. People are fucking weird man, I’ll never figure them out, especially the girl ones. I mean wearing wigs is one thing but pretending to be one person when you’re actually two is unbelievably crafty and devious and to what end? I must have re-read Snow-White a hundred times since, and there isn’t the slightest hint of anything like this happening.

Nothing seems real. I no longer trust the ground I walk on. I’ve stopped watching television. Unbelievable. Utterly unbelievable.